IELTS Writing Task 2: Student Sample & Our Feedback

Question: Some people believe that schools should teach students financial management, while others think this is unnecessary.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that financial management should be in school subject because it is very important for life. They believe that learning about money from young age helps students to manage their spending and saving in future. Also, it can help them understand how to use bank accounts, credit cards, and even how to invest money.

However, others think that financial management is not necessary in school. They believe that students already have too many subjects to study, and this will make school harder for them. Parents can also teach children about money at home, and they will learn more when they grow up and start working.

In my opinion, it is good to teach financial management in school because many young people do not know how to handle money. If schools teach this subject, students can learn to make better decisions about their money and not waste it.

(Word count: 150)

Band Score Feedback

Your Band Score: 5

Why this is Band 5:

• Task Response (5.0): Addresses both views but lacks depth and detail. The argument is simple and not well-developed.
• Coherence & Cohesion (5.0): Ideas are presented logically but with basic connections. Linking words are limited.
• Lexical Resource (5.0): Uses simple vocabulary with some repetition (e.g., "money" is overused).
• Grammar (5.0): Frequent grammatical errors, limited sentence variety. Some awkward phrasing.

Supplementary Feedback via Our Tool

Analysis of the Band 5 Answer and Suggestions for Improvement

The student’s response demonstrates an attempt to address the topic but falls short in several key areas. Below is an analysis of the weaknesses and suggestions for improvement.

1. Task Response (Band 5.0) – Limited Development of Ideas

The essay touches on both sides of the argument but lacks depth. The reasoning is too general and does not include specific examples or explanations.

The student states that financial management is important but does not explain why it is crucial or provide real-world examples.

🔹 How to Improve:

Instead of saying: "Learning about money from a young age helps students to manage their spending and saving in the future."

Try: "If students learn about financial management early, they can develop good habits such as budgeting their monthly allowance, which will help them avoid debt in adulthood."

2. Coherence & Cohesion (Band 5.0) – Weak Logical Flow

The essay has some structure, but the ideas are not well-connected. Transitions between sentences are basic and sometimes unclear.

The conclusion is abrupt and does not effectively summarize the main points.

🔹 How to Improve:

Use better linking words to improve flow. Instead of: "However, others think that financial management is not necessary in school."

Try: "On the other hand, some argue that financial management should not be part of the school curriculum because students already have a heavy workload."

Also, a better conclusion would restate the main idea more clearly:

"In conclusion, financial management should be taught in schools to help students develop good money habits. While parents can teach this at home, a structured school program ensures that all students gain this essential skill."

3. Lexical Resource (Band 5.0) – Simple and Repetitive Vocabulary

The student uses basic vocabulary, repeating words like money, financial management, school, students frequently.

There is little variety in word choice, which makes the essay sound monotonous.

🔹 How to Improve:

Try using synonyms and more precise terms. For example:

Instead of “learning about money”, say “developing financial literacy.”

Instead of “handle money”, say “manage personal finances.”

4. Grammar & Sentence Structure (Band 5.0) – Frequent Errors and Simple Sentences

The student relies on short, simple sentences, which limit the complexity of the ideas expressed.

There are grammatical mistakes, such as:

❌ "They believe that learning about money from young age helps students to manage their spending and saving in future."

✅ "They believe that learning about money from a young age helps students manage their spending and savings in the future."

🔹 How to Improve:

Use more complex sentence structures:

Instead of: "Many young people do not know how to handle money. If schools teach this subject, students can learn to make better decisions."

Try: "Since many young people lack financial literacy, incorporating financial management into the curriculum would enable them to make informed decisions about spending and saving."

🔹 Final Recommendations for Improvement

Expand Ideas: Provide specific examples and deeper explanations.

Improve Logical Flow: Use better linking words and transitions.

Enhance Vocabulary: Avoid repetition by using synonyms and advanced terms.

Strengthen Grammar: Use more complex sentences and avoid common grammatical mistakes.

Band 9 Sample Answer

In today’s world, financial literacy is becoming increasingly important, leading to a debate on whether schools should include financial management as part of their curriculum. While some argue that this is an essential life skill that should be taught at an early age, others believe that financial education should be the responsibility of parents or learned through personal experience.

On one hand, incorporating financial management into the school curriculum can equip students with crucial skills for adulthood. Many young people graduate without a clear understanding of budgeting, saving, or investing, which can lead to financial difficulties later in life. Teaching students how to manage their income, avoid debt, and make informed financial decisions can help them develop responsible money habits from an early age. Moreover, in a world where consumerism and digital transactions are prevalent, financial education can prevent reckless spending and poor financial choices.

On the other hand, some argue that schools already have an overloaded curriculum, and adding financial management would place an unnecessary burden on students. They believe that subjects like mathematics and economics already provide the necessary foundation for financial literacy. Furthermore, parents play a key role in teaching their children financial responsibility through practical experiences such as managing allowances or discussing household expenses. Additionally, many life skills, including financial management, are best learned through real-world experience rather than theoretical lessons in a classroom.

In my opinion, financial management should be introduced in schools as a fundamental life skill. While parents can provide guidance, a structured approach to financial education ensures that all students, regardless of their background, have equal access to this knowledge. By integrating financial literacy into the curriculum, we can better prepare young people for the complexities of adult life and foster a financially responsible society.

(Word count: 270)

Why This is a Band 9 Answer:

• ✅ Task Response (9.0): Fully addresses the question with a well-developed argument, clear examples, and a strong personal opinion.
• ✅ Coherence & Cohesion (9.0): Logical progression of ideas with smooth transitions and a natural flow.
• ✅ Lexical Resource (9.0): Wide range of vocabulary used naturally (e.g., consumerism, digital transactions, financial literacy).
• ✅ Grammar (9.0): Error-free, complex sentence structures, and a variety of grammatical forms used accurately.

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